The Reddit user wrote under the username @Unhappy-Front-5295 to air his grievances and ask whether he’s justified in his actions.
The user’s 9-year-old son had undergone hip-bone surgery, and the father wrote that, while he and his ex share joint custody of the child, he did not want his son to recuperate at his mother’s home, offering little valid reason.
Being a single parent or having to endure a lifetime of negotiating with ex-partners on co-parenting, custody, and housing demands are realities that many people now face, as more couples choose to divorce and more individuals seek to have and raise children alone.
The number of children living with only one parent has doubled in the last 50 years. The U.S. census report, published in April 2021 on data that had been collated over the previous year, revealed that the number of children living with two parents had significantly plummeted since records began in 1968. The percentage of children living with their mother alone had doubled.
The data recorded that, in 1968, 85 percent of children under the age of 18 lived with two parents. However, by 2020, that figure had dropped to 70 percent.
While on average the number of single dads who care for their children trails behind the number of single mothers who take on the same responsibility, the number of these dads has quadrupled since 1968.
The Reddit user posted: “The day before the surgery [my ex-partner] asked me if Ry could stay at her place to recover from the surgery. I asked her why, and all she said was that she just wanted to be there. I said no.
“Ry has never had surgery and it’s a big deal for him. I don’t want him to think that the first thing you do when you face something scary is run to your mom and not your dad.”
The father added that he had felt “insulted” by his ex’s request to take care of their son, Ry.
The verdict reached by Reddit users, after 9,600 comments, was that @Unhappy-Front-5295 was the person in the wrong for going against his ex-partner’s wishes to care for their injured son.
What’s the Impact of Preventing Your Ex-Partner From Accessing Your Child?
California-based Alphonse Provinziano is a certified family-law specialist and attorney, and former deputy district attorney.
“Withholding a child from the other parent is detrimental because a child needs both parents in their life for their psychological growth and well-being,” Provinziano told Newsweek.
“If a child knows that a parent is preventing them from seeing the other parent, you create something called a ’loyalty conflict,’ and this is very difficult for children because they must then choose sides between parents and family members,” he added.
“We call this ‘restrictive gatekeeping,’ which is an intentional way to alienate the affection of the child from the other parent.”
Provinziano said children caught in the crossfire of a parental dispute, or those who grow up with an abusive or manipulative parent, could have significant emotional issues.
He added that this could “make it difficult for them to have normal healthy relationships and attachments to other people.”
Provinziano admitted that, unfortunately, professionals do see dynamics like that exhibited in the viral Reddit post on a regular basis. “They are very common,” he said.
“Thankfully, there are co-parenting counselors that help to defuse these situations, which we call ‘high conflict situations,’ where the parties are at odds with each other,” he added.
The family-law specialist said that it takes a willingness by both parents to engage in this kind of conflict resolution, which is often not found because one or both parents are often so trapped by their entrenched problematic behaviors that they simply can’t productively communicate.
“This ultimately spills over to the child, who gets left without one of their parents,” said Provinziano.
Judging by the comments on the Reddit post, those online had picked up on the red flags exhibited by the original poster.
One Redditor wrote that “[his ex] is concerned about her son and you turned it into a power play.”
Another user added: “Especially the part about not letting mom even visit. How cold-hearted can a father be? It is fine for your son to stay with you, but to not let mom see him? I thought I had seen everything by now, but [original poster] has plumbed new lows.”
One user posted: “Did you put in leave to take care of your son, or is he alone at home all day watching TV while his dad works? Or how is his care during healing working?”
“He said his son doesn’t get to decide! What a selfish thing to say,” another user wrote.
The original poster wrote in response to the verdict: “My ex asked if our son could recover at her house after his surgery even though the surgery was scheduled on custody time. I refused and now she is still mad at me.”
Newsweek reached out to @Unhappy-Front-5295 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work, and your story could be featured on Newsweek’s What Should I Do? section.
